Ten reasons to be homesick for Winnipeg on a U.S. road trip

"The pleasure was all mine, sign."

1. Longest wait time in Winnipeg rush-hour traffic: 20 minutes. Longest wait time in major American city rush-hour traffic: 275 hours.

2. We already have universal health care, so I don't need to listen to anyone yelling about it at town-hall meetings.

3. No tollways in Winnipeg, not counting the squeegee kids on Broadway and Osborne.

4. Sarcasm and irony reserves are at an all-time low in the U.S. with one exception: a young Subway employee introduced himself with a straight face as my "sandwich artist." At least I think it was sarcasm...

5. A Walgreens' flyer in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune offers "An entire meal for only $10." The meal: a 12-pack of Coke, a 12-inch DiGiorno frozen pizza, and a tub of Dreyer's ice cream. More irony?

6. Cherry Dr. Pepper may be the tastiest beverage ever engineered in America, but it gives you the runs (I'm told).

7. No summer in Winnipeg means no humidity.

8. No inferiority complex in the U.S. means that no one gives a hoot why I might be on vacation in their neck of the woods or writes an article when I challenge the town to live up to my personal "friendly" expectations.

9. Fewer people in Winnipeg means that the streets and sidewalks are mine....all mine!

10. I'd much rather talk about how excited I am that T.G.I. Friday's is opening at the Winnipeg airport than actually eating at a T.G.I. Friday's.