Ten things that cross my mind when I go to the downtown Y

1. It's not fun to stay at the YMCA.

2. I can't wait to get off of this treadmill and go home, so I can eat French fries and pie!

3. Memo to men in change rooms everywhere: you should never, ever walk up stairs when you're totally naked.

4. A nude, 60-year-old man with a giant potbelly who combs the few remaining strands of his hair in front of a mirror in a public restroom isn't accomplishing what he's setting out to do.

5. If you're on a cell phone while you work out, you're not working out hard enough.

6. Singing out loud to the song playing on your iPod is an awesome idea - if you want everyone in the gym to think you're insane.

7. Shall I take a dip in the Swine Flu whirlpool today?

8. You know that slimy pool of liquid left behind on workout machines? It doesn't taste half bad!

9. Dear behemoth who leaves the weight machine on 500 pounds: if you can lift 500 pounds, you win - you never have to go to the gym again.

10. I love the smell of dead raccoons and rotten cabbage in the morning!