Your mission for '11, should you accept it

"My mission drive is to open up my eyes to the wicked lies and all the shite you say."
- Miles Hunt, the Wonder Stuff (enjoy the song, above) 

He stole my mission statement!

It's true that some people are overly serious about writing a personal mission statement, taking decades to craft it, only to find that when they're finally finished, they have no home, friends, money, or prospects.

Most corporate mission statements spoil it for the rest of us, reeking of corporate jargon, platitudes, and empty promises.

There are exceptions, like Disney's no-bullshit mission statement: "To make people happy, bitch." I added "bitch" after re-watching the Social Network and deciding that "if it's good enough for Mark, it's good enough for Mickey."

I'm sure the cease-and-desist order is in the mail, signed by the frozen head of Walt Disney.

PR class mission statement '11

It's with the spirit (of the lifeless head of a cartoonist) that my students write a mission statement for our PR class each year.

Each student composes one mission statement for themselves and their group's magazine (another big project this semester), then takes a shot at writing one for the PR class. I shortlist the candidates to five or six and the rest of the class votes on them.

Every year, we get some surprises, like a couple of years' ago when Jenette Martens - a quiet and kind person if there ever was one - came up with, "To overthrow Kenton Larsen." We all died laughing and made her say it three times. And it hurt me a little more each time. Ha!

So, I've added this year's selection by first-year student Jaremy Ediger to the Mission Statement Wall of Fame, which is located on my workspace bulletin board, on the corner the furthest away from where I sit.

You'll note that all of the selections are from male students (so far); I'm not sure why this is the case, but next year, I hope, is the year we finally smash through the mission statement glass ceiling. 

The PR class mission statement hall of fame

"To learn Kenton's ways so that we may one day take his place."
- Ray Brickwood (class of '08)

"You can't spell party without PR."
- Will Cooke (class of '09)

"Share some laughs, share some beers, share some work (just kidding, that's plagiarism!). Share some tears, shake some hands, walk away the better for it all."
- Thor Blondal (class of '10)

"To propagate, not contaminate."
- Eman the Wingman (class of '11)

"To systematically break down students' will and character, then rebuild them as indestructible PR robots (or PRobots)."
- Jaremy Ediger (class of '12)